Oh, I’ve tried, believe you me.
Sometimes I come close, but more often I end up doing the same things, making the same choices.
I’ve become better at damage control than at seeing ways out.
So I thank you for your concern, but believe me when I tell you that it’s wasted.
Find another lost cause, you’ll be happier.
And frankly, so will I.
What am I saying, of course you knew.
And you let me go on with it. To watch me swinging in the breeze like an idiot.
Yeah, very funny. Hope you enjoyed yourself. Hope you laughed your ass off.
Hope you’re good at looking over your shoulder 24/7.
At discerning between harmless noises and those maybe you better check out. And being sure you know who is your friend and who likes me better.
But no need to start right away. Oh no, I’ll give you plenty of time to get comfortable and settled in. To forget my words, to not take them seriously.
Your face will be more priceless that way.
That’s how you leave me every time.
Just watching you when you don’t realize I am. Studying how you move, trying to catch the song you’re singing to yourself.
I could never list all the reasons that you affect me. And each day a different one is at the fore.
How glad I am to have the opportunity to try.
You knew what that meant to me.
How long I worked for the money to get it. The plans I made. How hard I worked to keep it a secret, to surprise everyone.
And what did you do? You made sure you were home today when it arrived. Signed for it and then just waited for me to get home.
I heard your scream through the door as you opened it. You knew i had ordered enough to kill them all. That you would be a hero, but you didn’t have the guts to report me. So you figured you’d take it, martyr yourself.
You dumb bastard. Should have known I wouldn’t have it come all in one package. There was only enough for one person in the package you opened.
The one person I knew would open it.
Things come in threes, they say.
Double the pleasure, double the fun.
So when the two came together, it was more than any could have suspected.
Six of them, hitting one after the other. Each by itself would have left you reeling. All of them were unbearable.
Devastation would have been a kind word to use.
Six pack was once a term used benignly.
Never again by those left afterward. Those generations unborn at the time who would forever fear it. Who whispered it, as if the sound carried too far would call to it.
Bring it back.
We never really did, did we? I’m not sure why we tried, to be honest.
Sure it would have gotten us the money, and the house. But for as long as it would taken us to be together before we could step out with other people, was it worth it?
Not that it matters now. While the ‘departing gift’ was all well and good, I suppose, it was sweetened by gaining my freedom from you.
Oh, I don’t wish you ill. I don’t give enough of a damn for you to bother with that. And since I know you feel the same, you’ll realize I’m leaving town more to get away from your friends than from you.
In fact, to keep them from thinking they have news for you, here’s a picture of your replacement. Much more my type, even you would have to admit.
So, as they say, it’s been real.
Real what is up to interpretation.
I really did. You should’ve seen me.
Never saw it coming. Stealth, I’m telling ya. Gotta go for ninja mode.
Right after I did it, there was a moment of shock from everyone. They couldn’t believe it. That me, of all people, would do it.
I know they thought I didn’t have it in me. Didn’t need to say it, I could read it in their faces. In the looks they gave me.
That’s why I made sure to do it in front of them. Not everyone was there, but they’ll find out. They’ll hear and know.
I killed it.
And you know that record’s gonna last.